Grief After Losing a Parent: Living With It in an Indian Family
By SameFeel Team · Published · Updated · 8 min read
After a parent dies, the rituals end and the house goes quiet. Here is what grief can feel like, and how to carry it.
The rituals are over. The visitors have gone home. The house is quiet in a way it never was before, and a phone number you cannot call sits in your contacts. This is often when the loss of a parent lands hardest. If you are here, please know that there is no right way to grieve, and there is no schedule you have to meet.
What grief can feel like
Many people expect grief to look like sadness and tears. It can, but it can also look like shock and numbness at first, as if you are watching your own life from a distance. The NHS describes common feelings as overwhelming sadness, tiredness, anger, and guilt, and notes that feelings can come and go, with strong emotions sometimes appearing without warning.
A smell from the kitchen, a song, a festival, or a form that asks for a father's name can bring it all back. You may find yourself reaching for your phone to tell them something.
The NHS is clear that there is no right or wrong way to feel. It also describes grief as often feeling chaotic at first and usually becoming less intense over time. People may move back and forth, and not everyone goes through the same stages.
Rituals, duties, and being the strong one
In many Indian families, the days after a death are filled with rituals, relatives, phone calls, and paperwork. For many people, these bring structure and a sense of community. They can also leave no room to feel what you feel.
Often one child, perhaps the eldest or the one living nearby, is expected to hold everything together. You may be dealing with documents, money, and the care of the surviving parent while having no time to cry. If you are the strong one, your grief still counts. Being strong and being heartbroken can live in the same person.
The quiet that follows when the rituals end can be the hardest part. It is a good time to reach out for support, even if you felt you managed fine in the first days.
Ways to care for yourself while you grieve
Nothing removes the pain, but some things make it a little easier to carry. The NHS suggests talking to someone you trust, keeping up regular exercise and regular meals, and setting small, achievable goals instead of trying to do everything at once.
- Give yourself a few minutes each day to remember, cry, or sit in silence.
- Talk about your parent. Share stories and look at photos with people who knew them.
- Write them a letter about what you wish you had said.
- Keep gentle routines for meals, sleep, and a short walk.
- Be patient with waves of feeling on birthdays, anniversaries, and festivals.
- Be careful with alcohol, cigarettes, and other substances. The NHS notes they can worsen mental health.
If you live far from home, grief can feel even quieter. Staying in touch with relatives and friends, even by phone, can help it feel less heavy.
When relatives see grief differently
People may tell you to be strong, to move on, or that it was for the best. These words are often kind in intention and painful in effect. It is fine to say, "Thank you, I know you care. I need some time to feel this."
You can also tell one or two people exactly what would help, whether that is company, help with errands, or someone who listens without trying to fix anything. The NHS suggests considering peer support, where people with similar experiences support one another. Many people find it a relief to speak with someone else who has lost a parent, because they understand the mix of love, loss, and responsibility.
When to reach for professional help
Grief is not an illness, but sometimes it becomes too much. The NHS says to see a doctor if you are struggling to cope, if low mood lasts more than two weeks, or if self help is not working. It describes prolonged grief, where intense grief lasts many months or years, with signs such as difficulty accepting the death, struggling to return to daily life, and thoughts of suicide. It is more likely after a sudden or traumatic death.
If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, call Tele MANAS on 14416 or 1800 891 4416, a free helpline in India open around the clock, or contact local emergency services. SameFeel is a peer support and wellness platform, not a medical or emergency service.
Sources
NHS, Grief, bereavement and loss: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/
Tele MANAS, Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, India: https://telemanas.mohfw.gov.in/